forward motion

praise whatever you praise- the lynx is out of newport beach! the ladies of the lynx [and kent, our token xy] have descended on the town of oceanside. as the name would imply, we are right on the ocean so the town is naturally known for its surfers and for marines, oceanside being home to one of the two marine basic training camps in the country. after months of snobby orange county boys, let me tell you, the marines gave us sailors a warm welcome. we were hung over and a little sandy the next day, but no one was complaining. my new internet location is a comic book shop where i have to pay for my time online. thusly i expect my posts to be shorter and less frequent, but i'm working on the audio posting thing, so we'll see how that goes. kim, i love the idea of posting the menu. fuckin' great! when i get to a place that charges less, or not at all, i'm totally going to set that up.

catalina

twin harbors catalina is like another country. at a glance the palm tree speckled beach front could be anywhere in the world. after nosing our small boat into the small boat orgy taking place at the floating dock, we hop out and make our way up the big dock to the beach. it's around six thirty in the evening and we've been let ashore until nine. what we really need is a beer, but anchor watch prohibits that, so we're going for the next best thing; no not sex... icecream. thankfully it's a saturday and the market is still open. we stop at the book exchange cart to swap two patrick o'brien's and a gideon's bible for some paper back mysteries and a bodice buster as a 'joke' for the mate. armed with books and häagen-dazs bars, we decide to go for a walk, the road being brilliantly lit by the nearly full moon. we eat icecream and our fair share of dust as the wind picks up and blows grit eveywhere. we walk to twin harbor, chatting and looking for the fabled giant squirrels of catalina which we decide, must not be nocturnal. the walk back to the dock is faster with the wind at our backs and a night of anchor watch ahead of us. we all agree that every now and then it's nice to use our legs on something more than seventy feet long.

when you work on a boat you always appreciate theoccasionall day off. and then there's the time when your day off comes around and it's like mana from heaven. like the day after a weekend of sailing 40 boyscouts back and forth from catalina in less than calm conditions. it was fun, but for sanity i'm taking the much needed day off to drink coffee and see old friends who have also wandered into this part of the country.

space

my alarm goes off at 6:15am. i roll out of bed [literally thanx to a painfully low overhead] and stand up, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. i fumble with my clothing, and recall longingly, a time when i had reason to stay in bed until the last possible moment. the magnetism of a warm body in bed is a powerful persuasion 'not to get up quite yet.' now-days i'm greeted in the morning by a twisted blanket and crumpled pillow; not so enticing. now something is missing. the perception you get of yourself from sharing close physical space with someone you care about is priceless. alone it's just me against the rest of the world. my body standing in the galley kneading bread. my body sitting at the computer, ankles crossed, typing. my body curled up against the thin blanket and the side of the bunk. i think i may know how it would feel to be a planet thrown out of orbit. suddenly finding yourself in the dark of space utterly alone. no other planets to spin off of, no gravitational pull from the sun. in the vast vacuum of space you can get lost in yourself.


the library is closing, they're kicking me out. i spent so much time staring at the screen, willing all these weirdos to leave me alone. tonight has been annoying people at the library night. i was in a really great mood- i got my bike back together [it was a broken spoke- hardcore!] i got free coffee, and had a nice piece of chocolate... then i forgot my library card, got assigned a computer instead of choosing my own, and was stuck next to the two most shallow, bitchy, superficial, monsters i have ever seen outside of a movie screen. these kids made me sad for teenagers everywhere. then, i finally get to move, and get stuck next to this guy who smells like the pocket of jb's pants where he keeps all of his gross cigarette butts. this guy not only talks to himself about whatever it is he is doing on the computer, but instead of typing like a normal person, he attacks his keyboard like the harder he hits the keys, the smarter he is. good grief. i hope all of you with personal computers really really appreciate them.

this is the first time i've come to the library without my bike and i feel really weird. my mouth is dry from the glass of shiraz i had with dinner and i can't seem to get my fingers to go where i want them on the keyboard. i think the ride here preps me for sitting and writing. i was half way out the parking lot and down the street when i noticed that there was something wrong with my back tire. at a glance i couldn't tell what it was so i had to catch a ride. now i get to walk back and worry about my bike. i really hope i don't need a new wheel, they're expensive! i'm trying to be really good and save money so when i leave this sun-drenched place in december i'll have to dough to go do stuff before i need to get another job.

i went and saw flogging molly on saturday in longbeach. i forgot how much i love shows. the energy of that many people together in the same room is mighty powerful. i thought i'd 'outgrown' the mosh pit, but as soon as the band started playing i was right there in the middle of everything. i couldn't stay away. the band starts playing and the people start moving and i'm a fucking super-hero. invincible, with cat-like reflexes, i always land on my feet. i'm running, jumping, screaming, laughing, sweating buckets, singing along. everything's moving so fast i can't even see where i am, but i can hear the music and feel the rhythm of the people around me. the feeling when it's all over is like driving a race car, or sex, or an awesome bike ride, so i guess i can add a really great rock show to the list of things that leave me weary, and energized at the same time. despite all of the sweat, dirt and bruises, afterwards i feel cleansed and triumphant.

today was, how do i put it... just one of those days. the kind of day where you're stalked by a little dark rain cloud, or in my case a brilliant sunburst [too much sun having that depressing effect on me]. speaking of sun, and it's sister subject- heat; i rode my bike to the library tonight at 6:45 wearing a t-shirt and shorts and i was fucking hot. no, not like that, perverts, i was sweating. i'm confused here people, because i thought it was october. if not jackets and scarves, at least sweater weather. i've also managed to do something nasty to my shoulders. cooking, boating, and frequently riding a bike all demand a lot from the old shoulders. i've spent most of the day feeling inexplicably sluggish and microwaving a sock full of beans in an attempet to relax the muscles. being the impatient person i am, i finally gave up on the nice and natural way and popped two ibuprofen. the only obvious result was a massive headache which can neither be confirmed or denied as related. in a final attempt at self preservation i bolted directly after dinner, purchased a very delicious and extravagantly expensive bar of dark chocolate [that being more than a dollar] and proceeded to 'let it all out' by writing this here post which you are reading right now. well then, aside from the persistently pulsating headache which really makes it hard to write, i feel much better. now on to bigger and better things.

this will be my last post this week. for, as i have mentioned before, the nbpl is only open late monday-thursday. i guess after five on friday the entire population of newport beach has something much more exciting to do than hit the stacks. clearly i didn't get the invitation. it must have been lost in the mail. they should just give me the key to the place, i'm here enough.

these things that i think about

part 1:
i bike in constant fear of the roadside detritus here in the newport beach area. it's not that there's a lot of it, just that it's really terrifying stuff. the side of the road [a.k.a. the bike lane] is littered with giant bolts, screws, rebar, lengths of pipe, utensils, and all manner of unidentifiable metal bits. it's like someone dumped all of the weapons from a clue game out on the highway, or maybe the metal-recycling truck exploded. normal bike lane trash is annoying, but this is down-right dangerous. i have half a mind to take a broom and sweep my most commonly ridden roads. however, i would probably get arrested for vagrancy. given a choice between cops and a flat tire, i think i'll take the flat.

part 2:
the intense connection between songs and memory never ceases to amaze me. the tie between scent and memory i find equally astounding, but i could probably write a book on the subject so i'll just stick to one. i spend a lot of time relatively alone in the galley while i'm working. anyone who has spent any considerable amount of time working alone knows the importance of music to keep your mind from analyzing itself to death. some songs make me sing along, some make me relax, and some instantly transport me somewhere else. so i put the music on shuffle and let my mind wander...
i hear an old greenday song and i'm back in my friend deirdre's basement bedroom in seventh grade. it's barely wide enough for the bed and the upright piano. a blanket stands-in for the absent door. it's was cold, and smells funny, but when you're 12 a basement nook is heaven. her tape deck sits on the closed top of the piano keys. we lounge on the bed and listening to the minutes of silence at the end of the album, waiting for the "hidden song," not wanting to rewind for fear of missing it completely. our friend lucas stands-by, intimidated by two girls on a bed, beaming with pride at being the first one to tell us about the bonus track.
blur has me sitting on the curb a few blocks from the highschool, early spring. i'm skipping a pep-assembly, sitting near a newly planted parking-strip tree, faux fur trimmed hood protecting my headphones from the afternoon drizzle. i'm not cold. it's the second song on a mixed tape my boyfriend slipped into my hand between classes. on the playlist after pavement and before morphine. the fresh rain on cement smell fills me with a sense of excitement and for a brief moment i contemplate leaving it all and simply walking away 'into the sunset.' unfortunately that only seems to work out in movies, so i decide against it, and walk to the coffee shop instead.
the garden state soundtrack gives me a sense of wide open spaces. a road trip. driving at night with the music down low enough to let my companion in the passenger seat sleep, although hasn't he slept enough? i'm almost irritated, i swear it's his turn to drive, but i'm in the groove, and i have to admit that he looks pretty cute drooling on the ugly retro-flowered pillow case. if it wasn't so icy i'd really be enjoying myself. this far from a city the stars are not only visible, but positively resplendent. the cold air making the sky crystal clear. i keep my eyes focused on the path of my headlights, shift in my seat- a futile attempt to keep my ass from totally falling asleep and think longingly about the nice carpeted floor that awaits us and a full nights sleep.

complete and utter heartbreak, as well as much anticipated contest results

fucking NBPL [that's the newport beach public library] and my lack of motor skills!
after spending the better part of a half an hour writing a lovely post regarding the photo contest, my gum chewing antics as a young teen, and the month better known as rocktober, my page starts bogging down. i realize that i have upwards of six or seven windows open. in my attempt to close the un-needed ones, my entire application was closed, losing me the entire post, and all my hope for humanity for about ten seconds. i don't know if it was me, or nbpl's faulty computers, but i'll now do my best to reconstruct my 'masterpiece.'

the photo contest:
i had no idea that anyone read my blog. so naturally i was surprised by the huge response to my photo query. thankyou thankyou thankyou, everyone who took the time to send me a response. there is no way that i could decide, but thanks to all you shutterbugs, i now have an awesome [and seemingly narcissistic] cache of photos. i can now change my profile picture according to my moods, the weather, celestial positioning, etc. so, everyone wins!! yay! thankyou all.

my gum chewing antics as a young teen:

suddenly the formatting on this page is screwy and i don't have time to fix it... damn, not my day!

i usually drink quite a bit of coffee before coming to the library to write. it must be the north westerner in me. as you all know copious amounts of coffee leads to a wonderful oral sensation known as 'coffee breath.' this condition can be easily remedied by a stick of gum. as i sit here and chew said gum, it dawns on me that i was given detention exactly twice as a middle school student. [thats sixth through eighth grade for all of you from 'junior high' land] the first time it was for swearing, and the second time was for chewing gum in the library. yes, i know i was a rebel. obviously my punishment helped me become a well-balanced, socially adjusted member of society. thankyou mt. tabor middleschool for giving me fucking detention.

regrettably i must cut this short having squandered my time on the post that never was. luckily the library is open late monday-thursday. i'll have to check my terribly busy schedule, but chances are i'll be able to finish my musings sooner rather than later. i know you're all dyeing to hear my thoughts on rocktober.